…feeling everything…

(loss of) friendships

fear

failure

far out ideas

fun time Frankie!

false information

(dance like a ) Funky chicken!

forgiveness…

This is the fifth in a series of 26 blogs about our son and how he is navigating the world on a Super Hero SEN plan.  He’s 5.  The first one is here. 

I had to re-read the last blog I wrote to remind myself where we were when I wrote it…

Some parents kept kids home that last week but we dutifully dropped him off until the last Friday as ‘instructed’.   I used the time to think strategically about work and home school, to clear the freezer and re-stock it and to play the waiting game along with the entire planet.

The Last Day…

As Dave and I went together to pick L up from his last school session, we walked past the little outdoor edible garden and creations with a heavy heart.

A greenhouse made from plastic bottles yet to grow shoots and the little beds of planted herbs pushed in by tiny fingers, the mosaic tiles he steps over one foot at a time, the giant tree he hides behind…

We looked at the lonely horse on the hill one last time.  We drove down the little hill and made our way home….

I guess the enormity of what was coming for him and the last goodbye to school, the community and the friendships left frozen in time hit me right there and then.

I felt so sad for him… its incredibly hard to explain what’s happening to a child… but of course he knows.

Maths with added Pokemon

He tells me just before he falls asleep after we all watch Ponyo together;

“Mummy I do miss my friends and I know I can’t see them because of the virus but I am happy I have you and dad”

Since the last day, we’ve had two weeks of ‘home school’.  I’ve learnt how to best engage him in regular phonics and maths activity.  I’ve had no advice here just worked on intuition and a printed pack.  I’ve mostly ignored the scattergun of emails from school as I just haven’t had capacity to look at everything and try and decipher how to use all the resources.

We’ve started new routines… a register of 17 cuddly toys (the same number in his class at school), drawing our the day of the week and the weather each day.

Now Friday and Saturday are family movie nights in place of movie nights he would have had with friends… those Disneys are pretty soothing for us grown-ups too hey?

rainbows in real life..

Our maths tutor Gail is still happy to keep working with L on zoom so we’ve tried a couple of sessions… he finds it very hard to concentrate on video calls for more than 20 minutes.  We’ll keep on keeping on…

All in all, I know there’s no way we’ll get any further tailored insight from any external agencies on L’s SEN stuff while schools are closed and so I’ve moved it all to one side, popped it in a box and tied a neat bow on it.

It feels easier this way.

I see my little boy so much more than I ever have in the last 18 months – how lucky am I.  He’s an absolute joy.

He tells me after a haircut from his dad;

“Mummy I’ve evolved”

And just like a Pokemon he has… I see a little boy growing taller and at the same time emotionally regressing and playing with his cuddlies like they are his babies and being constantly attached to my every move…

I’d be interested to know whether anyone else has experienced any increased emotional intensity from children especially those growing up alone?

Thanks as always for reading, sending much love to you and yours.

Claire x

In the words of Glennon Doyle; “We’re not to meant to feel happy, we’re meant to feel everything”  and boy do we at the moment!

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