Not the first post of the year I thought I’d be writing being a planning geek and all but here we are.
How’s everyone doing?
I read something today from another coach that spoke about the importance of reflection in deciding on any new goals and how we show up in a New Year. It resonated for me.
However, so does burning everything that’s gone before and starting with a crisp blank page.
That’s the beauty about this ‘man made’ construct we call time. Sure it’s January in the year 2020 if you like… But if your heart is aching to understand more of the lessons from 2020 I invite you to stay there (with me) a while. There’s so much wisdom in reflection. (see previous Goodbye 2019 post).
One of my yoga teachers often talks about a soft opening out of the darkness after the winter solstice – just like a flower might into the morning light and that’s where I’m at. Here are some things I’ve processed recently…
You might be curious about why I have the word friendship in the title of this piece so let’s start there. Does anyone really ever talk about friendship? What it means to have and be a friend after we hit 30, become mothers or care less about counting them on facebook?
Over the last year, I’ve felt more akin with this to navigating friendships of primary and high school than of established life of a 38 year old woman.
It’s been tough, messy and uncomfortable. Boundaries have become blurred, expectations shot down and some ‘friends’ have not stayed the distance. Lots let me down and caught me COMPLETELY off guard in 2019. It felt personal – it never is.
In 2019, I ‘lost’ over £5000 because I decided to work with friends (yep plural) who then screwed me over. YET – I’ve also had the best year I’ve had financially since becoming a mum five and a half years ago.
The money they moved around doesn’t matter really. I have an “abundance mindset” thanks to working with a brilliant coach and re-centring myself in my own practises I make time to show up for. If you want to read more of my writings about money watch this space or click here.
Money arrives because I adore my work and people pay for my skillset, I’m creative and inventive and pretty “lush” to work with I’ve been told.
I’ve noticed when you are friends with people and you trigger them, they also tell themselves lots of stories to make them feel better about treating you badly or being avoidant.
I always say, you can’t change the way people are with you… only your reaction to it. I know I’ve read that somewhere else before… let me know if you know where it’s from. Maybe my husband actually…
So I’ve decided 2020 is the year of reframing what friendship is. If each friend represents a world in us I need to be able to count them on my hands, put their photos up in our home, see them regularly and understand and connect to their struggles and celebrations. Gone are the third chances and compassion for people who aren’t worth my energy and in place is the bigger connect to people who equally light me up and look after my best interests always.
It’s not really about me… I’m just one person but our planet needs people to raise it’s vibration and you know it’s nice to be nice isn’t it?!
Deep Wisdom and where it shows up…
Some deep wisdom I want to share from the book; ‘The Laws of Human Nature’;
“If you come across any trait of human meanness you must look upon it as an extension of your knowledge, a new fact to be considered in the complexity of humanity.
Continuing, the author Robert Greene tells us;
Masters at playing on our emotions… Only when it is too late do we realise their confidence is irrational and their ideas ill conceived. Among colleagues, they can be those who sabotage our work out of secret envy excited to bring us down… using us as stepping stones”
All I can say is WOW!
Integrity and Universal Energy – are they actually the same thing?
So all in all, we move on, we try not to let the way someone has treated us be about us or affect the way we connect to others. We stay steady in our integrity, whole of heart where others haven’t.
On a practical level, to move on from any bad experience that can’t be sorted out with a heart to heart chat, we must;
- Send blessings of confidence to help people be more clear and honest in this short existence we call life.
- Send hope for their suffering – treating someone badly is an extension not having your sh*t together. You never need to treat anyone badly if you meditate, get therapy or journal daily (a.k.a having (most of) your sh*t together).
- Cut chords from everything – social media, unreturned stuff, energetics – it all needs to be snipped, deleted, burnt out of site including a letter of gratitude for everything the person taught you.
I am all for compassion but we CANNOT live our fullest lives and allow energy vampires to be intertwined with our brilliance… we have to move on.
In short, if someone makes you cry and doesn’t apologise you’re done! It’s actually a lot simpler than primary school when I think it through…
I hope it’s been helpful for me to share these revelations from a space of secure vulnerability with the entire internet.
Sending sparkles in for 2020 and…yes (I’m probably ready to say it six days in) our new decade together.
I’m so glad you’re here.
PS – So my word for 2020 is WHOLEHEARTED and I am wholeheartedly sharing these words with you in the hope that they bring comfort if you have ever felt abandoned or treated unkindly.