“Don’t let the fire go out on friendship especially one with yourself” anon
The First Trimester, the second time around
When I fell pregnant in March 2020 during a global pandemic, it felt wholly different to my first pregnancy in 2014.
In 2014, I was managing a huge festival plus doing other bits of freelance work. I worked over 50 hours a week, walked over 10,000 steps a day and hid my pregnancy from colleagues who commented on my bigger than normal appetite. I suppressed my feelings and cracked on.
This time round, for the first 12 weeks, I worked aggressively hard on one thing; resting!
I pretty much went off caffeine and hot drinks straight away. It was almost like my body realised how tired it really was deep down below all of the ‘shoulds’ and ‘can dos’.
12 years of freelance contracts with often very tricky clients, two house moves, a home extension, the pressure of being the bread winner in my relationship and being mum to a little boy with special needs.
The whole lot seemed to hit me and I went to bed for what seemed like weeks.
What did you do?
I didn’t dream, I didn’t post on social media, I didn’t write, I hardly worked, I didn’t laugh much, I just slept and felt EVERYTHING for a while including my own fears in technicolour.
I felt a tiny life growing inside of my. I wondered if it might be a girl?
I got up to drink pints of iced Ribena and Elderflower cordial and eat boiled eggs from our back-yard chickens.
I cried sometimes because of the darkness of being lost in deep rest and nothing else. I rode the waves of feeling uncomfortable not doing/ creating/ making things happen.
My wonderful husband did food shopping, cooked dinner and blow dried my hair for me. All things that I usually really enjoy fell away and the only thing left was rest.
He also built two ponds and me and my son went out to watch tadpoles grow bigger each week just like our ever evolving baby.
When I hit 10 weeks, I started to feel better. I was on countdown to my first scan and knew baby was now fully baby shaped. I’d done the hardest work! And just by resting.
In week 14, just like my last pregnancy, my cravings for deep daytime rest and endless meals subsided as I started to feel baby do somersaults in my belly.
The affirmations that helped me through this time were;
I am safe
I am home
All is well
I am listening to my inner wisdom
As I write this, I’m nearly 15 weeks pregnant, and sitting at the top of a hill on a bench. I climbed the hill purposely to write. If you’ve ever been to Alnwick, it’s the mount as you drive in opposite Barter Books with the lion statues on top.
I am grateful for my health, being pregnant at age 38 during a pandemic where lockdown gave me the choice to rest at home and for dreaming a brand new course about rest into being.
A Creatively Conscious collab with Happy Yoga
Jo and I first talked about creating this course together at the very start of the pandemic. When I fell pregnant, I first worried what to say knowing I definitely couldn’t create from a place of being in my first trimester.
Then I caught myself, and I told Jo my news and that I expected to feel better around week 14.
She was gracious and happy and it made sense (of course) because, we would have even more fuel for our fire of creating a course about rest together.
I can’t wait to share more when we’re ready. Just sign up here.
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